Run with Hope

"Guys, we live here."

2012-02-01T17:59:00.000-08:00

a smattering of my life...

I run past this, during my jogs.

Crafting time in Mangilao--plants, crayon shreds, wax paper, and creative minds

Finished product

testing time

Crowding around the laptop...

They make my heart smile.

Hillbilly Harvest Party (Tamuning)

Hobo stew : )

Some of them weren't so sure...

dancing and games

These two are dears.

One of my favorite pictures ever. These two young men (I believe) have a true calling of God on their lives.

Harvest Baptist Church Singles Retreat

My sister

Yoh caught a fish with his spear!

Ladies' devotional time

best "sanctuary" ever

Here we call them "slippers" or "zories"

beautiful Abigail being baptized by her daddy

The whole family was baptized! Praise the Lord!

More photos coming!

Keep the faith,

Audrey Ann

"What's she doin' over there on Guam?"

2012-01-19T02:23:00.000-08:00

I am truly sorry for the lack of updates.

In November we closed my location in Mangilao and combined the schools—we’re all in Tamuning now. It’s wonderful to be reconnected with all the staff and students. Running the school by myself was a lonely but very necessary four months of my life. I’ll never be the same—and that’s good. For the first time, I realized that life is simply not about me, and when you give your life to others (in the name of Jesus), the joy surpasses all other comforts or luxuries. It was a special season, and my students fondly reminisce about our times there: “Remember in Mangilao when we…?”

After the move to Tamuning, I took over a class (we call them “learning centers”), ages ranging from eight to sixteen. Currently I am coordinating English Composition, Music, and the volleyball team for our regional student convention, here on the island of Guam. We are excited to be taking a group (representing Guam for the first time) to International Student Convention in Pennsylvania this May!

When I think about my students, my heart swells with love—it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

I love the ministry of Providence International Christian Academy, not only because I am a teacher, but because I am an observer of how it has blessed children’s lives. Several of our students have previously encountered severe mistreatment at other schools, and find P.I.C.A. a safe haven, where they are free to enjoy learning and true friendships. Through the individualized program we offer, I have seen insecure students flourish and gain personal dignity and respect, along with a well-rounded education. It is a church school run by volunteers who love Jesus Christ and deeply desire to serve the families of Guam, no matter their color, background, or financial capabilities. It is an honor to be a part of such a special little school.

Recently we have encountered much opposition with regard to permits and regulations for operating our school. Without going into undue detail—let’s just say that God is doing something awesome at P.I.C.A., and there are a few trying to stop it, along with a news media that wants an allegedly “scandalous” story. Yes, we’re practically famous, haha! The kids actually groaned today, when I told them the news reporters were here again. They’re so used to it, now. Nothing like being on television, right? But actually, I’d rather just be with my kids.

On a personal note:

As much as I like Shakespeare…

Love is not a sonnet. In my undergraduate work, I majored in English Literature and enjoyed it greatly. Stories teach lessons by utilizing both the mind and the emotions. But I am learning that as much as I appreciate language finely arranged, love is not flowery words.
Love is early mornings, when all you can do is stagger out of bed.
Love is a bandaid and a prayer.
Love is moment-by-moment flexibility.
Love is giving your attention to a little face and a conversation that seems small, but is important to the person behind those brown eyes.
Love is making them do their work correctly.
Love is volleyball practice when you’re exhausted and feeling like poo.
Love is repeating directions and explaining something 15,782 times.

Love is being His hands and feet. Going. Touching. Doing. Take me, Lord Jesus.

Picture post coming soon (now, now, don't doubt me, haha!)

Does it get any cuter than this? I contend that it does not.

These two have my heart.

Happy birthday, Mama!

2011-11-06T04:41:00.000-08:00

A tribute to a dear gift from God: my mother, Barbara Lynn

(And as I have to tell my little boy students, it's not proper to tell a lady's age...so I won't)

A few months ago, my tribute to my mother would have been entirely different than the one I bring to her today. Back then, I would have written about how she is so fun, my best friend, a great teacher, and has always “been there” for me. And all of that is still very true. However, I've discovered (even just a tiny glimpse) through carrying the burden of young ones, while having my own school, that the most amazing thing about my mom is that she did so much for me with no applause. She did so much that no one noticed. Day in. Day out. Every day. And not only was she not bathed in praise, but many times she was jeered at, snubbed, and ridiculed for her amazing profession as a homeschool mom.

Sometimes these days the word “homeschool” is used as a joke—even I do it, occasionally. But the education my mom gave me was not a joke at all. When I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Bryan College, there's a reason I handed her my cord—not because she wrote my papers—not because she took my tests, but because SHE was the one who pushed me to be my best and put that fire to my behind and said, “Do it.”

My mom went against the raging cultural current in order to protect me from the wicked ideologies of this age, whether they be obvious, or subtle. Ideas have consequences. She didn't pretend to have all the answers, but she pointed me to the One who does.

And with that, I'll leave you with a few things I learned from my mama, funny and stoic. :) Enjoy.

It's totally okay to tell your children that their dad won a trip to Disney World, and while they're jumping and shouting in sheer glee, say, “April Fool's Day!”

“A Walk to Remember” is the worst and saddest movie in existence.

Math, math and more math.

Mowing the lawn is alone.time.for.mom.donotdisturbher. “Yes, you can have a popsicle, now go away.”

Socks and shoes are essential for proper homeschooling.

Shoes and coffee are essentials of life.

Summers should be lived outside.

It's cool to be best friends with your daughter and do crazy things like dress up your large dog in people clothes.

Financially supporting missionaries is a must.

Learning is fun!

The Bible is the most important book you'll ever read or study. Period.

Dishonesty is disgusting and whining is not tolerable.

It's important to dress classy—how you dress is how you'll feel, and how you feel is how you'll act.

Our song: "Together" with Judy Garland and Liza Minnelli

She is...

beautiful—has been called “chocolate eyes," and I had to [angrily] remind my college guy friends that she is 1. married and 2. WAY out of their league ;) Want to make my day? Tell me I look like her. : )

dedicated—to the Lord and His Word, to my dad, to my family, and to developing as a photographer.

A firecracker—my mom knows what she believes, and if necessary, she will defend it.

hilarious--her impersonations are the best. "Nemo's swimming out to SEA!"

honest and sensitive to the Holy Spirit—Mama will tell me the truth, even when I don't want to hear it. She protects me from one of my worst enemies: myself. And even though she was sad to see me go, it was so wonderful to hear her say, "It's time."

As the little poem goes, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother, after all." I find that in teaching, I continually say things that my mom said to me. I'm thankful that she didn't let us get away with things, and she encouraged us to continue our education...to be lifelong learners.

Sorry for all the times I ran off at Walmart. Thanks for all the walks, coffee, dancing in the kitchen to Abba, and being real with me...especially with regard to young men. We've raised our voices; we've clashed. But in the end, I know that you're the one who is indeed my best friend and will always be there for me. I hope you have the happiest birthday. Wish I could be there. Finally, thanks for having a worn Bible, and thanks for reminding me that it's all about God's glory. I love you.

"It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge." ~ Albert Einstein

2011-10-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

bowling pins found in the trash + $5 bowling ball from the Salvation Army Store =

our very own bowling alley! :)

the day of the toad...

Well, at least he's being creative. ; )

Chapel with Pastor Bill (He's a great pastor and principal!)

Theatre Class with Miss Audrey

hilarious drills...these are moments of gold

"This is a towel, or this is a..." theatre class game

This is that dimple under the eye I was telling you about.

Honor Roll trip to Chuck E. Cheese--where we almost didn't get in, because they didn't think I was eighteen...one day I'll like that...at least, that's what people tell me. ;)

Aren't they beauties? I love my girls. May they be handmaidens of the Lord Jesus. Amen.

Oh, these two are the cutest.

Submariners came to visit--I was so proud that my students used proper protocol. :)

Let's raise those funds! Car wash time.

This picture makes me laugh for many reasons. HA!

Art class with Ms. Michelle

Jesus, I pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal Himself to all these students and their families,

and they would surrender and live for You. Thanks that many do, and thanks for the immense blessing they are to me. Mostly, thanks for teaching me what it means to love...by giving me them.

tiring love

2011-10-12T04:52:00.000-07:00

I’ve been afraid to write. Yes, very afraid. When I write, I relive and pour out—and sometimes I just want to bury myself in something “mindless,” or just chat with someone here about the day.

I feel absolutely hopeless in the quest to explain everything that goes on here. And I worry that if I only share certain parts, then people will get a warped idea.

The truth: God is moving—people are changing—and it is the most wonderful and exhausting existence.

Each day is a crazy dance in which I stumble around, tripping in the pursuit of chin-up grace—but I am getting stronger—love muscles contract—trust lungs learn to breathe. In my dance, I reach, touch, ripping the labels off the students and praying no one sticks on any more.

JESUS. They need Jesus. All my toil is for nothing if they don’t know Him. Squeezing—He squeezes my heart, now bloated with young souls I love—oh, let NOT the serpent touch these little ones. Some of them are little only in years, not exposure and experience.

But His love is strong.

So many gifts Jesus gives.
smiles—that little dimple under the eye—patting my hand to get my attention—the way they love to water the plants and are happy in a little one-room schoolhouse with me—teaching someone how to read who has fallen through the cracks—parents grabbing my arm and saying, “Thank you; it’s working” and “He used to not even care about getting a job, now he cares more and talks about it.”—the quiet after a chapter of Proverbs—hard faces softened—their trust—their dreams—their love, even through the continual correction—nose to the fish tank—little fingers on the globe—random conversations about Shakespeare—oh, I love them. This life of 5:30am to 4pm, but in reality 24/7, is worth it.

What a privilege it is, and how humbled I am to be entrusted with it.

On a personal note—the Lord has gently lifted me and ushered me into the flames of His refinement. I thought it just might kill me—and it almost did—and that’s the beauty! He is opening my eyes and giving me new senses, an awakened touch and thoughtfulness. One moment at a time—that’s how He’s calling me to serve Him—not with worry and anxiety about tomorrow. I will never be satisfied in myself, but I AM learning to be satisfied in Him.

Freedom!

2011-09-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

The Gospel--a video by Eric Ludy

This is what I am learning.

Straight Talk with AA

2011-09-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

Cursing. Clubbing. Cleavage. Alcohol. Christian.

One of these things is not like the others...right? Well, according to what I'm seeing...I'm not so sure.

"Don't judge."
"Stop being so critical."
"That's legalism."
"I'm not weak in that area; it's not a stumbling block for me."
"The Bible doesn't say it's wrong."

May I ask...
Why are we bragging about the fine brand of alcohol we drank?
Why are we (ladies) taking seductive pictures of ourselves showing only what our husbands should see?
Why are we grinding in a mini skirt on Saturday and raising our hands in praise on Sunday?
Why are we using curse words with our reasoning being alleged relevance?
Why are we so caught up with ourselves and so stuck on proving how awesome and "FREE" our lives are? WAKE UP. This is bondage, folks, not freedom.

On the altar of "artsy," "cool," "intellectual," and just plain "it doesn't matter" we are sacrificing the freedom for which Christ died.

^{Read this}^:

¹³ "For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. ¹⁴ For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”^[a] ¹⁵ But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!

¹⁶ I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery,^[b] fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, ²⁰²¹^[c] drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. ²⁴ And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." Galatians 5:13-26

Wow. This scripture hit me. Bam. No, legalism is not the answer...CHRIST is. And if we are living a Holy Spirit-led life, our freedom is CHRIST, not alcoholic consumption. It's the motive that matters. Where is your heart, dear reader? May we look at everything in our lives and analyze it not on the basis of, "Is this okay?" but "Will this glorify the sweet Savior?" And analysis isn't even always the answer. Many times, I have no clue what to do, but I am learning to surrender to the Holy Spirit. Do I mess up? Oh, yeah. But He is here, and I am so completely humbled. Oh, may we not mock Him or put Him in a box.

Oh, let us be consumed by Him. And then...perhaps all this other stuff wouldn't be such a big deal, because we'd be too busy about His will and Kindom work to worry about making our selfish, sinful lives look polished and Christian.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

On a personal note:
I write this because I love the body of Christ and want us to live a full life in Christ, not because I think I have it "all together." I know I don't.

Prayer Request:
We all have issues, right? I do. But what if you have young lives looking to you for answers and stability? Then what? Well, then you look to YOUR stability, and ultimately their stability. His name is Jesus. Every morning I remind myself why I'm here, and surrender it to Jesus. Do I do it perfectly? No way. But I do love my students with a real love that I pray points them continually to the true Love, Jesus Christ.

Thank you for your prayers.
with love, AA

"Fight the frump!"

2011-09-01T05:16:00.000-07:00

There was a time in my life when I was a cutesy college gal, leaning on my handsome, godly beau. There was a time I could wear whatever I wanted, and I was told every day how cute I was.

Now I am a teacher, wearing skirts past the knees with professional tops, hair pulled back, no bright nailpolish, no hippie sling bag, no TOMS, or green chucks. My job is marvelous, but in this role I have struggled in my personal life. Who am I? Me. I used to think about myself a lot, and desired for people to cater to my plans and whims. The gentlemen at Bryan College were great about getting the doors, carrying things, etc...my brothers and dad, too. But now I am the carrier, the door opener, the one people depend on. And I love it and am thankful for it, however, sometimes I forget that I am still a young woman, and that I shouldn't despise my femininity, but, like everything else, offer it back to Christ, for His glory.

Today I heard these statements:

"Miss, I thought I saw you last night...but the girl who looked just like you was with four guys, so I knew it couldn't be you."

(During a girls dress code/modesty chat)
"My mom said that she wants to dress like you, but that my dad would hate it."

Am I an utter frump?! AH! Internally I scream and want to curl up and hide away. No. So, here is a letter to me from me:

Dear Audrey Ann,
You need to let it go. Don't be afraid anymore. Weight and wardrobe do not define you, and besides, you can alter those as needed. It's for Prince Jesus. Everything. All of it. Breathe, girl.

My sister, Abby, always says, "Fight the frump!" We can be stylish and modest. The focus must be Christ. If I get caught up in all the legalities, I become no better than the pharisees. May I wear clothing that I wouldn't be ashamed to meet Him in, because He's with me, anyway. And I can always lean on Him, cutesy or not. Hallelujah.

quotes

2011-08-27T16:06:00.000-07:00

"Ms. Audrey Ann, what was it like during your childhood?"--as if it was sooooo long ago.

boy student: "Ms. Audrey Ann, how old are you?"
me: "Now, you know that I've told you boys, it's not polite to ask a lady's age."
boy student: "Are you thirty?"
me: *big smile*

little boy attempting to recite the NT books: "...Galatians, Ephesians, the Philippines, wait, is that right?"

same little boy: "But Ms. Audrey Ann, I hate minusing!"

An ESL man at our school car wash: "You a teacher? You don't look like a teacher."
me: "Yes, I am a teacher. And yes, I know I look young."
him: "No. You don't look like normal teacher. You looker better than normal teacher...you go on dates?"
me: "Well, we have church at 10am on Sunday."

from a facebook message: You're a GREAT Teacher! I just feel so comfortable with you and that does NOT always happen with me & my teachers! You kinda remind me of my sister that's why, but she's not on Guam. So being with you every day makes it seem as if she was here with me, & I thank you very much for your warm kind heart. God has REALLY blessed me with such a person as You. Looking forward to seeing your BRIGHT pretty smile.

A Different Sort of Fairy Tale

2011-08-16T06:39:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I was a dreamer. One of my dreams was to have a one-room schoolhouse overseas, where I could share Christ's love and truth as well as quality academics. Through a series of events, the Lord entrusted me with one in the village of Mangilao, Guam. It is additional to the larger location in Tamuning (which is a large house--I live on the second floor).

Sometimes it overwhelms me. Some days I've been so internally terrified that when I get home I can barely function. But as I've been told by those who love me enough to verbally spank me, it's time to grow up and step into the destiny the Lord has given. I've been shuffling foward with my head looking back, my heart beating for yesterday.

My students are gems--gifts from God--each one in their own way. Chills come over me, when I step back and watch them. Somehow the Lord entrusted them to me. And I love them all so much. Currently I have fourteen students ranging from seven to eighteen. What a joy it is to teach them, play with them, laugh with them, and seek to encourage them in the Lord. Oh Lord, lead me, please.
And though I'm no Cinderella, dreams do come true. Enjoy a few snapshots of my life.

One of my students was in the Asia Pacific Little League tournament! Guam beat Hong Kong, the Philippines, and the surrounding Micronesian islands.

A darling, local fruit stand

She was so sweet and let us try her delicious fruit for free!

But then I bought some, of course.

A balanced diet? Why, of course. ; )

The crazy things girls do to style their hair...

Look who we saw at the mall!

Honestly, the parfume did smell good...but I just couldn't bring myself to wear it...

It's all a gift from God. Remember?

Crazy hat day!

She wanted to wear Ms. Audrey Ann's hat.

My current home: PICA Tamuning

Japan! (on my way back)

Japanese students

Guam Liberation Day Parade! Biba Guam!

A lady I met at the parade--people just welcome you into their family--it's great

I love this family.

Messy Game Day!

Oh the fun I had filling this pool with oatmeal and leftover picnic foods! We played a relay where the students had to search for spoons in this mess with their toes! Haha!

And of course there was a food fight following...

yummiest treat...ever...got sugar?

These people are the best. I love them so much.

I made a friend on the flight back from Japan. She came and did a science experiment at my school!

He is an excellent student: diligent, determined, and I pray that the Lord uses him in a mighty way.

Lunch...nom nom

Capture the flaf was a hit! I haven't laughed so much in well...a long time. : )

They are always playing their ukes. I love the sweet and chill music on Guam.

Catching bugs (This guy here is our school mascot, haha!)

Discovery. I love it.

: )

I think we counted thirteen creatures.

Our principal (Pastor Bill) came by for a visit!

I love the different ages having fun together!

"Me, me! I want to do it next!"

Uh oh. ; )

Oh lands.

The ladies were much more calm about the whole thing.

This is the Tamuning location during staff training

The view from my balcony

The view from my yard

But my favorite view? I love to see the faces of my family on Skype.

Thank you all for your support. Please continue to pray for me. I know that the Lord is working.

2011-07-25T04:45:00.000-07:00

I have many pictures and adventures to share, but unfortunately my computer is being finicky and refuses to recognize any outside sources. But stay tuned, pictures are coming!

So, instead of going into a monologue about the changes in my life on the lovely island Guam, I'll give you a list:

I'm currently running the school at a second location. So in the mornings at around 6:30am, I leave the house and drive about 25 minutes to the other school. I unlock the building, turn on the air con, water, and lights, of course. I make sure everything is set up properly and that the students have all of their workbooks. I just love my students.
We're reading The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis as a class. Oh, how thrilling to experience the excitement of certain students, on the edge of their seats, grinning and gasping throughout the adventure.
My youngest student is seven and my oldest is eighteen.
The other location (which I also work at in the afternoons) currently has six Korean children. When the parents come to pick them up, they always bow to me! It's so cool to be around such a mix of cultures. We are the melting pot of the Pacific, you know.
I live upstairs in the main school, which is a gorgeous house, on the edge of a cliff (that you can CLIMB DOWN) next to the lovely blue waters. I'm so blessed; it's insane. But before you begin making jokes about how I'm not living the "missionary life," haha, I'll add that there is a rat living in the wall of my closet, and he likes to converse with me through a type of "rat Morse code" scratching. yick. Actually, this morning there was a rat in the kitchen. I yelled for Pastor Bill, and he disposed of the creature. yick (once again).
Every night the sunset is a sweet and new surprise. Worries fade as I lean over that railing and begin to breathe again. No, I'm not a perfect teacher and I get caught up in the little things instead of the big ones sometimes. But in that sunset, from that sunset I am reminded that HE IS everything I need. And yes, I am incapable of truly being great without Him. But the whole reason for living is to be with Him, right?
I'm learning that it is impossible to "fix" a child or permanently reform their character by managing their behavior. It must come from the inside out. They must surrender to Jesus Christ.
Please pray for the people of this island. Many of the girls are eleven going on thirty, much too aware of the world and all the nasty it offers. They want to be loved, because many aren't loved at home by their daddies. And then you have boys who have no reason to refuse the attention from these aggressive girls.
I love the people here. And it saddens me that there are so many people without filters; they just take it all in, anything. Whatever they feel like, they do it. And why not? If you don't know the Lord Jesus, what does life have to offer? What is the purpose of living other than to do whatever feels nice in that moment?

My encouragement to those of you who read my blog would be this: find those young people who need a godly influence and love them. Show them to Jesus. He's the only way true change will come. We can dress these girls up in skirts (which we do at school), and that's okay, but we must remember that who they really are is more than skin deep. Clothes won't cover their sins; only Jesus can do that. Please pray that I would have wisdom in ALL areas. We have (both schools combined) about fifty students, and we're still enrolling.

love to all and glory to God,
Audrey Ann

Happy 50th birthday, Dad!

2011-07-16T04:13:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to my father,

Jonathan Day Sanders,

who is always thinking, praying,

and seeking to learn something new

"People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live...[We] never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born."
~Albert Einstein

You can listen to "our song" here

What he's taught me:

1. Duct tape is a useful tool in all dilemmas, including golden high heel dress up shoes (except, not really).

2. The only way to eat cake is in a bowl doused with milk, preferably skim.

3. Increase in age does not mean decrease in ambition or purpose. Live for the Lord, whether seven or seventy-five.

4. If you're frustrated, be productive: build something, plant something, do something.

5. As long as you're learning, you're living. Once you stop being able or willing to learn, a great part of living is lost.

6. Retirement is not in the Bible.

7. Kites aren't just for flying, but for aerial photography:

You can read about the project here

Isn't our little neighborhood darling?

8. Oatmeal is best enjoyed fresh off the stove, still in the pot. And a meal should be served on.the.table...not.the.counter.

9. Pancakes must never cool before consumption. Microwaving them is disgusting and not an option.

10. Confrontation should be avoided, unless a particular outcome is important.

11. Silence does not equal peace.

12. Riding a bike through Walmart is totally acceptable, even while your ten-year-old daughter covers her face in horror.

13. Shopping carts are not to be pushed back to the car, but ridden--by running and then jumping on the back.

14. God's Word is to be followed, trusted, and searched above all other guides and influences.

15. The best kind of Bibles are the ones taped back together.

16. A balanced breakfast consists of Shredded Wheat, skim milk, open Bible, open World Almanac, and strong coffee.

17. The best movies are black and white with a man's deep voice droning on in the background (aka documentaries, people) [writer's note: Dad loves to study history, and has given me the same love, but I have to admit, a bajillion hours of "Building the Hoover Dam" is just too much for me. But what fond memories I have of falling asleep to the Lewis and Clark expedition documentaries and Ken Burns' "The Civil War" and the unforgettable song]

18.Sometimes just being outside makes things better.

19. Camping is good; a starry sky makes for the best ceiling.

20. I (his daughter) am just as lovely with crazy hair, wearing a flannel shirt, Ben's basketball shorts, and flip-flops. [writer's note: Okay, he believes this more than I do, but his acceptance of me encourages me to seek God with hope, not dismay.]

21. The best time to plant a tree was fifty years ago, but the second best time is today.

22. Planting trees is the best way to "go green," not spending $70 for a t-shirt made of bamboo that says, "I heart the earth" on the front.

23. God created the world in six literal days; believing Genesis is important.

24. Sincerity is not always enough.

25. Debt is like a ball and chains, you can try to hide it, but in the end, it's likely to keep you from going where you need to go and doing what you need to do.

26. The Holy Spirit moves in ways we don't understand at times, but we must always be sensitive and never ashamed.

Ways he's blessed my life:

27. Playing the guitar to me at bedtime

28. Letting me put bows in his hair, when I was little

29. Reading to my brothers and me at night, "One more chapter, Daddy, please!"

30. Being involved with the previous "menfolk" in my life

31. Telling me I'm pretty

32. Hours of theological talks on the porch

33. ALWAYS remembering Valentine's Day. When I was in college, he sent chocolate, not only for me, but for my friends, too! Here I am with my package this year on Guam:

"Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes." ~Gloria Naylor

34. Inside his hug is the safest place.

He...

35. cares about "who" I am more than "what" I am.

36. loves his family and refuses to give up on us when we fall, because he trusts God. truly.

37. listens, and isn't a reactionary dad, but contemplative and thoughtful.

38. is a truth seeker.

39. was Mr. Indiana State University in body building. I would post pictures, but I don't want to risk being disowned. ;)

40. won a triathlon.

41. builds radios.

42. was in a band (their songs were great... "Cast your cares upon the Lord").

43. lets me cry, but points me to Hope.

44. was the first person I walzed with... :)

45. took me to the Grand Canyon and the American Girl Place (and to lots of awesome historical locations).

46. is still growing, changing, learning, etc.

47. taught me to think critically and with a biblical worldview.

48. built the majority of our house (and did a beautiful job).

49. is true to my mama.

50. happens to be the best dad ever.

When I was writing this, I realized that it's the "little" moments with my Dad that were so precious and linger long in my heart. It was and is...

-the late evenings in the garage, me chattering about youth group drama and him bent over the dying lawnmower.

-Saturday mornings, him painting some room, while I'm still chattering on...

-singing together in the evenings, playing guitar and piano.

-the hours of algebra (although, I must admit, my mind typically took an extensive leave of absence).

-his truck gone early in the morning. He is the provider.

-me huffing out worries to him about the future as we trot down the country road, both of us hoping to get in a decent workout.

-his words, "Well, let's pray."

-a furrowed brow, when he's worried about me--it shows he cares.

-the way he studies up on Guam, my flights, and the way he supports me in the moment.
-his invention ideas.
-him sending me pictures of grammatical errors.
-the assurance the at any moment of any day, I have a dad who will save the day. He loves Jesus and loves his family. He is a man of honor, and I am proud to be his daughter.

Dad, thanks for seeing past every facade,
every pimple, every tear, every loss or gain, and every worry.
May you live your days for the One who so graciously gives.

Happy 50th birthday! I love you.

hugs and kisses, Squirrel Girl

in all things...

2011-07-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

You mutter it when a man flings his arm to stop the smashing of closing door to your face, while passing him in a crowded rush. "Thanks," you say. But in all things?

Do we give thanks, do we feel thanks, do we know thanks?

I'm reading and losing my breath over Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts. My soul is filling with the truth of an overabundance of gifts I've never recognized, let alone shown my recognition to God. And joy is given from Him when we recognize those gifts and hug Him in our hearts for them. so many. so very many.

Prone to see the loss instead of the gain, prone to weep over the past, for the past instead of jump for joy over today, for today, that's what I am.

I'm not trying to be a spiritual cheerleader, waving Pollyanna pom poms in your face, because I wrestle myself. I wonder, is it ignorant to focus on grace? Is it unintelligent to delight in the "little things," in chocolate smudged on a little boy's grinning face, or in the dance of a candle's flame, or in the pink vine weeds out back? Aren't we supposed to focus on higher things?

But what higher things? What is higher than His gifts? "For God so loved the world that He gave..." Jesus. Our very life and eternity hangs in the balance over our humble and joyful recognition of this Gift. And this Gift works a miracle in our hearts and souls--transforms us. life. new life.

"But what about this?" Satan snickers.
"Wouldn't your life be better if you had this?"
"Why did He take that away, take him away?"
"If you do this, it will make it feel better, ease that pain."

Voskamp writes, "That Serpent, he's slithered with the lie that God doesn't give good but gives rocks in the mouth, leaves us to starve empty in wilderness and we'll just have to take lessons from Satan on how to take the stones of the careless God and make them into bread to feed our own hungry souls" (95-96).

Oh, no. Remember? "No! The Scriptures say, 'People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God'" (Matthew 4:4).

every word. every.single.one.
Even the ones that summoned a flood
Even the ones that commanded slaughter
Even the ones that forbid Moses to enter the Promised Land
Even the ones that nailed Jesus to a cross
Even the ones that set. me. free.

thanks. in all things. I'm learning to live like this. And oh, how full it is to live, not as a parading Pollyanna, but as a wide-eyed child of the living God.

I will notice. I will give thanks. And I will live surprised by joy.

Sorry!

2011-06-25T02:25:00.000-07:00

I know; I know, shame on me, it's been so long since I've posted--seriously ridiculous on my part. Since the last post, the Lord taught me to breathe and enjoy my classroom, praying in the Spririt along the way for wisdom, strength, and joy. Also, after being on Guam about half a year, I went home to visit for my brother's graduation, and now I am back on Guam in the school's new location. It's so marvelous! Just wait until I show you pictures. Wow! Our school (which doubles as our home) is on the edge of a cliff that looks out onto the blue, blue, Pacific Ocean. What a blessed girl I am.
What a blessed girl I am. How I forget that at times...not always, but sometimes. I will try to be more consistent with my blogging. Check back soon!

this backpack

2011-05-09T04:06:00.000-07:00

The Lord has given me the privilege of being the main supervisor over thirty middle schoolers and highschoolers. I deal with autism, ADD/ADHD, epilepsy, demonic possession (so it seems), and plain old rebellion. There are students who...
push e.v.e.r.y. button
cut every blessed piece of anything in front of them
roll on the floor
spit in my face
can't give me one second of peace
need motivation
are talking about suicide
have been molested
are just plain lazy
have much girl drama and attitude
are deeply wounded
have been physically intimidating
are very disrespectful
REFUSE to stay seated
want to date me
whine constantly

As a woman who looks young and only stands a bit over five feet, this has been quite a challenge. so many tasks. so much sternness. I have to defy my personality in order to maintain order and professionalism. It wears me out--this work, this love. There is no such thing as personal space, haha!

But beyond all the crazy, there is such joy and peace. This is a gift, this adventure of love, of wacko I-must-be doing-this-for-the-Lord. From wake to sleep, I have a mission. I carry a backpack of burdens, but every night I can lay them before the feet of sweet Jesus. When I first started working with the older students, I was so overwhelmed because I thought that I had to FIX everything, and that every problem was my fault, somehow. But really, I just have to stay near the Lord and softly summon them to Him. Some days I just walk away for a second and pray for strength for that moment, for that hour, that day. And His refreshing waters of peace and strength do NOT run dry. Even in the loneliest of moments...He is there. He is my knight, helping me slay the dragons of my stinky attitude towards conflict with the students.

It feels heavy sometimes, that backpack, but HE is the strength of my life, my heart. And HE is my portion forever.

Jesus

2011-05-01T04:35:00.000-07:00

Usually I come to my blogpost knowing, for the most part, what I want to write. I try to be fairly witty and thought-provoking. But tonight, all I can say is...Jesus.

JESUS.

There is nothing good in me, outside of Him. Yes, I am giving my life at this school and trying to be a vessel of His love and grace. Yes, it's SUCH an amazing adventure and way to use my life for the Kingdom. But what am I without Him? nothing. Seems like those in my generation are all about self-promotion and advertisement. We take and edit fifty-thousand pictures of ourselves for our blogs or facebook, and yet refuse to memorize God's Word, or make that phone call to someone in need, or just sit and listen to the Savior. I'm just a clay pot, and a cracked one at that.

He's giving me such joy in the work I do! Through the stress, God gives me gifts of hilarious moments with the students, as well as glimpses that God is convicting their hearts. Yes, I have many stories to tell, but as I said before, tonight I must remind you, His name is...

JESUS.
and His love is extravagant.
and He is coming soon.
i should just stop typing...because He's too wonderful for words...

Flexible

2011-04-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

One major challenge while working at P.I.C.A. is that my job description changes regularly. At first I jolted and figuratively stomped my foot in frustration and stubbornness.

I thought (and even verbally expressed), "NO. I do NOT want to and CANNOT do all of these things and be in charge of so much!"

Why the internal attitude? Simply put, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm prideful. If I can't do something in an amazing way, I would rather not touch it. If I'm not great, I feel bad about myself.

For example, I'm not an amazing pianist. Therefore, I didn't want to play in front of people.

But you know what I'm learning? Our talents (no matter how tiny) are not ours. They are HIS.

On the musical day of Regional Student Convention, when I was to accompany two student ensembles and one duet, I remember praying, "Lord, be glorified. Let this not be about me, but about You. Help me, please." I was desperate and dependent, but finally willing. And it seems that is where He wants me, at least for now.

In my missionary work I wear many "hats," including: supervisor, math and English tutor, coach, errand runner, pianist (for church and school), music helper, mentor...

But most importantly, I am a daughter of King Jesus. Therefore, I can go through my days with peace, no matter how inadequate I feel. He is worthy of everything I have and everything I [think I ]don't have.

An Update:
~I am now the head supervisor of fourteen Junior high/ highschool students and assistant to an additional fourteen. Please pray for me as my responsibilities increase, that I would be who I need to be--completely.
~The past two weeks has been Spring break, and filled with fun as well as work, and I am thankful for such a refreshing time.

Embrace the joy (and craziness) of life

2011-03-25T05:46:00.000-07:00

Team-building games

Micronesia Mall

Lovely "weeds" that grow (on a vine) behind the school

There are lots of large bugs here...

The offices fell down, but look at our men go! ;)

Miss Judy--this woman works so hard for the school!

The Wii...an incentive to get all their work done,
and oh man, do they love it.

I work 'em hard at practice. Haha!

Garage sale day: when we said goodbye to the couches, and the students mourned.

It is so much work to run a school.

A training day

oh yum.

half marathon with Kelli

simply hilarious.

Regional Student Convention: Micronesia

This guy is too cute.

Torian and Eddison playing chess

Temple Christian School Junior Ensemble

and their highschool ensemble

Track and Field...

Go Sarah!

I love this girl...

...and these girls

Great job, Nathan!

Sarah and me during a tire-flipping race! So fun!

The guys were quite a bit faster.

Let us run and not grow weary,

when we are doing what the Lord called us to do.

Earthquakes &Tsunamis of the Pacific

2011-03-15T04:31:00.000-07:00

Today I was interviewed by a stateside newspaper about the earthquake in Japan and how it has touched Guam. Here was my response:

As far as the tsunami, Guam was barely touched physically. However it did create an emotional stir amongst the people. Many islanders are well acquainted with the devastation of tsunamis and earthquakes. There are many on the island who are either natives of Japan, or have family and friends there. One way the earthquake in Japan may influence Guam is the economy. Japanese tourism is a major source of income on the island, so anything that strains Japan is likely to strain Guam.

The father of the family I live with performs weddings for the japanese tourists. They come to Guam to get an "American" wedding and honeymoon. With the upheaval right now, there is a big chance that tourism with slow down, and it could tamper with our financial stability, but of course we trust in the Lord.

Today at school I was helping a darling little Philippino boy memorize scripture verses. I was explaining to him how Jesus is the Light of the world, and he looked up, met my eyes with an intensity beyond what is commonly seen in one so small and said, "Are tsunamis bad, Ms. Audrey Ann? Should we be afraid of tsunamis? Are they really bad?" I went on to try and comfort him while being honest as well, sharing with him the hope of Jesus, no matter the circumstance.

As with all catastrophes and disasters, we are once again reminded that we have no control over the earth, but because of Jesus, we don't have to be afraid. Rather, we just need to be ready to trust Him and love others. The children I work with are afraid and bothered, but I pray that this will draw them and thousands of others closer to the precious Savior whose voice can calm the sea. Hallelujah.

Excitement

2011-03-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

P.I.C.A. volleyball team--I love these girls!

Have I told you that I love my new job? Well, I do. The school in which I teach has an individualized learning emphasis, so much of my teaching is one-on-one tutoring. It's so cool to walk around the room, one moment I'm working through an algebra problem, then I'm teaching about the orbit of the earth around the sun, and then I'm explaining the Bible memory section to a student who has no background in the Word.
We had our first volleyball scrimmage yesterday---and we WON! All those practices paid off. : ) I was so proud of my girls, and especially proud because they worked together. Our school came out and cheered us on (the Kindergarteners SCREAMED us on). haha!
A situation arose at school that shook the peace, for sure. Jesus, we need your presence.
There are difficult days here, but I absolutely love it and know that I'm to be here right now. My heart is full with love.
The tsunami rattled everyone. Please pray for those in Japan and others who were hurt.
Late last night there was a knock at the door. Abby and I ran to answer (it was her brother) and a few minutes later walked back to a strange smell. Opened the door and FLAMES were right next to our bed! Our huge, lovely painting we splurged on together was being eaten by our candle. The picture had fallen off of its perch onto the nightstand. Sad. day. But at least nothing else was damaged. Our poor painting. Sigh. I will try to fix it.

The day in a nutshell:
math, science, screaming, a major fight, volleyball game, tsunami, Abby out during the tsunami warning, FIRE in our room, a rap about me (written by one of the students, ha), a wonderful talk with my sister Abby. It was quite the day.
A day on Guam in the life of a missionary...always interesting, for sure.
: ) And the truth is: I love it.

Dirty Smudges

2011-03-09T03:28:00.000-08:00

Several of my students are Catholic, and thus wore their ash "crosses" on their foreheads today. And it made me think. No, I'm not Catholic, nor do I want to be, but there are admirable aspects about the way they view Easter. In forty days we will celebrate the most glorious day of Creation: the day Jesus rose again! And yes, Easter is in many ways (including its calendar date) pagan, but may we not miss the glory because we are afraid of what's been mixed with it.

He died for me. for ME. for nasty, insecure, selfish, gluttonous ME.

I love holidays. I'll probably be one of those moms who goes "all out." But my children will not know Easter simply as the day they get a basket, and they will not only learn about Easter the day of. No, I hope to start 364 days in advance, and every day thereafter, sharing with them the beauty, wonder, and heaviness of what Jesus did for them and for their mama and daddy...and for all the world.

Dear reader, you are striving for something: a healthier body, more money, better habits, rest, good grades, a happy family. During this next forty days I ask you to bow before His majesty and seek out who is Jesus and what He did.

Today was my most emotionally difficult day on Guam so far. Many tasks and projects were suddenly presented, and for a moment, I honestly thought it was impossible. I wanted to run and call someone from home. I can't do this! I'm tired!

But His love is STRONG. My efforts are nothing. So if you're giving up something for Lent, remember that fasting is not proving your love, it's proving your dependence on His.

love and peace.
~Dran
p.s. a big "thank you" to my brother, Caleb, for talking me through some tears

What a week! I...

2011-03-05T19:28:00.000-08:00

...switched jobs. I am now in the upper learning center, teaching middleschoolers and highschoolers. I love it! It's fun to help with English, Science, and (dare I say it?)...MATH, haha! The children at this school memorize a lot of scripture. It is a joy to hear them recite it and help them understand its meaning. Thankfully I am still able to interact with the Kindergarteners every day also!
...decided that I do not want to own a television nor a gaming system. ever. I am tempted to climb up on my soap box right about now, but I'll spare you.
...ran a half marathon with a better time than my first!
...worked through girl drama (hopefully) on the volleyball team.
...enjoyed a relaxing Saturday with Abby at the mall--and I bought the most charming hat!
...grew in the grace of the Lord, only by His sweetness and power.
...found a twelve year old boy doodling my name. Oh lands.
...felt the love of Jesus.
...went to Parkour. : ) Yes, that's right.
...missed talking to my parents and brothers. I love you!!!

Pictures to come soon!

No Pictures Today

2011-03-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

I have many fun pictures to show you, but not today. I love Guam, I love my job, and I am making good friends here, so please read what is to follow with that in mind.

Today I am frustrated with myself. No. Angry. There are things in my life that need to change, but I am too weak, or perhaps I am BEING too weak for those changes to occur. Oh, they may not seem significant to many, but my lack of self-motivation and self-control are the indicators that there is indeed a problem.

Three areas I need to change:

1. Scripture memorizing
2. Attitude towards and execution of proper eating
3. Jealousy. it's an ugly thing, folks. Read A Separate Peace by John Knowles if you don't agree

Thank the Lord for His grace and another rotation of the earth.
It's a new day tomorrow, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

My mom used to tell me to just "get-out-of-that-rut," to "straighten up" and stop acting "squirrely." And even though I used to get upset that she wouldn't let me dramatically sulk and prance around the house like a spoiled actress in a feather boa with bottom lip pronouncedly out, I am now so thankful that she didn't.

Just do it.

Audrey Ann, study and memorize the Word of God.
Audrey Ann, eat right, and stop thinking about it so much.
Audrey Ann, love Jesus and stop worrying that you are not as awesome as some other person.
There. I just spanked myself and am ready to move on.

The end of the beginning.

Life's arms are full of lovelies

2011-02-20T03:30:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday after my run...I got to look at this.

and this.

Who knew there was a Statue of Liberty on Guam?

At our last apartment, we had a mama pigeon...

and BABIES!!! (but they died...) :(

Valentine's day! Dad, the kids loved the tootsie pops.

So. much. SUGAR. yippee!!!!

Let the craziness begin! Sticky hands + a sugar high = lots of fun!

Lunch after church with our Korean sisters in Christ--these ladies love Jesus so much! This was my first experience in a Korean church setting. English speakers listened to a translation of the message through headphones. The lady on the right was the translator.

There isn't anything much better than unexpected flowers, right? Abby and I were surprised with these lovely daisies from a lady we helped the week before. How sweet of her!

Here we are at Chamorro Village giving our best "Japanese tourist" pose.

Shish kabobs. oh yum.

Even though I was once a tomboy...

my love for reptiles has never gone past frogs and MAYBE very small geckos.

Holding this iguana was out. of. my. comfort. zone. Haha!

Abby and her brother John with some fancy food he brought for us to sample

And I'll show you these (once again), because they're my favorite:

"Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
   your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD
   and wait patiently for him;" Psalm 37:5-7

Speak Life (a shout-out)

2011-02-17T23:06:00.000-08:00

"The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

Words. We sling them; we toss them; we give them; we abuse them. So many words we say and do not first think, but there are some people who use them in such a way that truly does give life.

Many people have encouraged me while I've been on Guam, but particularly this lady, Miss Nina (here she is with two of her daughters):

Miss Nina has sent me notes of encouragement, as well as just looked me in the eyes and told me how happy she is that I am teaching in the school. I have the privilege of teaching one of her daughters who is not pictured. On the days when I feel exhausted or far from the "old and comfortable reality," her words truly do bring life to my body and spirit. She cares about me and believes in me, and that gives me the courage to keep going. Thank you so much, Miss Nina. You are a great example of a godly woman and a giver of life through your words.

Throw Away the leotard

2011-02-12T23:19:00.000-08:00

This Saturday I ran eleven miles in the morning with my friend, Kelli, because we are training for a half marathon in a few weeks. After our run, we graced a local coffee shop with our sweaty presence and kindly took our drinks and muffins out of doors where we climbed on large rocks next to the sea and watched surfers, boaters, and parasailers. The deep blue waves beat against our rocks, receding as white foam. The sky's thick clouds hovered low, and the blue horizon tempted me to wonder, "Is this real? Am I really here?" How supremely wonderful of the Lord to allow me to live and minister His glorious gospel on such a lovely island.

Have you ever felt like you know the answers, but it's not enough? Slowly I'm learning that the glorious reality of God is that He is not just in the business of handing out truth like pamphlets or fliers, like, "Here's some truth; read it and catch ya later." It's so much greater than that.

You see, He IS the truth. His arms embrace the most inward part of who I am, giving me courage, true courage. Our faith is not all about feelings, for feelings can be deceptive. I desire to lead my feelings, rather than be led by them. But sometimes, you just FEEL a certain way. You may know the truth, but you still FEEL a certain way that denies the truth to which you cognitively give credence. That's where His love comes in...that still small voice...and His presence. Just let me be with You, Lord.

He does satisfy. I used to dream of being this woman who never felt worried and never doubted God, the kind of woman who just glowed with Jesus and never felt frustrated. But it seems that perhaps He doesn't desire me to be some sort of SuperChristian Woman flying around, invincible to emotions. Perhaps He desires me to simply be HIS woman, without the muscles, cape, and cheesy smile. Maybe instead of Super Woman, I'm supposed to be willing to be the damsel in distress, and confidently wait on Him as my Hero, my Rescuer. Oh, I know He has already saved my soul, praise His Name! But you know, there are times when you just need Him to be there in a special way. Hallelujah He is here with me. Thank You, Jesus.

Cry out to Him, dear reader. Surrender your will and your life. Stop trying to be super on your own, and be willing for Him to rescue you. As the apostle Paul spoke of hardships:

"I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12: 7b-10

He's the hero, so throw away the cape and leotard. They look pretty silly, anyway.

Kindergarten Quotes

2011-02-08T20:53:00.000-08:00

"I want to pray that I can go to an island that has snow."

"How 'bout ring-around-the-posy, Ms. Audrey Ann? That's a good IDEA!"

Child: "My hair's getting long like rapencil's!"
Me: "Long like a pencil?"
Child: "Yeah, like Rapencil's!"
Me: "Oh, like Rapunzel's."
Child: "Yeah! I love Rapencil!"

"I didn't get hanisizer." (her version of "hand sanitizer")

"You're my beautiful, beautiful lady! You're my beautiful, beautiful teacher!"

I just <3 them. : )

Please Pray for...

2011-02-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

the young ladies on the volleyball team I'm coaching...that I would lead them closer to Jesus.

my Kindergarten class--patience and wisdom as I handle situations, and that the ESL students would learn and understand.

my exhaustion...training for a half marathon, teaching PE & Kindergarten, coaching the volleyball team, etc...leaves me pretty tired. : ) I feel like my life is so full, which is wonderful! But please pray for continued strength, stamina, and the joy of the Lord.

Finances for the school and people surrounding

the future of our new church...that the Holy Spirit would come and people would grow in the Word of God!

Thank you !

Kindergarten Cuteness

2011-02-03T22:45:00.000-08:00

Teaching Kindergarten can do wonders for your self esteem.

"Ms. Audrey Ann, you are Cinderella."

"Ms. Audrey Ann, you look like the Little Mermaid."

But...it can also make you feel ancient...

"Now her's five. She's old."

The following are from two boy students who are ESL.

Upon seeing a birthday crown: "Dat's a king head!"

As I'm walking towards the door...
Child: "Where you going, Mish Aujee Ann?"
Me: "I'm going to meet with a man about the volleyball uniforms."
Child: "A MAN?! I MEESH (miss) you, Mish Aujee Ann!"

Looking at a picture he drew me:

Me: "Who's that?"
Child: "Dat's ME!"
Me: "Who's this?"
Child: "Dats da bad guy. I KEEL him!"

Wanting to know what time it is...
"Ms. Aujee Ann, what clock is it?"

Week One (AA Goes to Guam)

2011-02-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

Authentic Beauty Course: I taught nutrition, fitness, and internet safety, led a team, felt inspired, felt uninspired, stayed up late and got up early, read way too much about diabetes and fatty acids, met some great ladies, and felt the Holy Spirit move.

There were also courses on modest fashion, cooking, First Aid, true beauty,public speaking, poise, etiquette, flower arranging, photography, room decorating, and more! It was so wonderful to watch these girls grow in their skills and confidence. Also, I enjoyed learning new things!

It's oatmeal. hee hee....

Most of the staff ladies at the end of the banquet. These are our "it was great, but we are so happy it's over" faces.

All of this wonderful craziness ended with a banquet to honor the parents, and a slumber party featuring dancing and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I contend that it does not get much better than this...except for the sleep I got the next afternoon. ;)

The Lord blessed me so much during this week...especially during one of my fitness sessions. We were stretching to Cory Asbury's "Where I Belong." Check it out here.

The lyrics include:

I finally found where I belong, in your presence.

I finally found where I belong: to be with You.

It was all I could do not to cry. After everything, after last year, after so much struggle and prayer...this was right, because I was in His presence. As I stood in front of twenty-five ladies, I also stood in awe of God who brought me here.

Just wait on Him. He is faithful. Do I still worry and pine over things? Why yes, I am a girl, after all. But His presence...may that be what I want, and I will embrace whatever He brings me, as I dance in His presence.

Never forget what you should desire. It's not a church service. It's not emotional music. It's not fuzzy feelings. It's not intellectual titillation. It's not entertainment. It is Him.

Praise Jesus! ~Audrey Ann

The Journey There.... (Part one of the AA Goes to Guam series)

2011-01-31T22:57:00.000-08:00

The day after the new year rang in, my journey began. Flying with a buddy pass, I was sure to wear acceptable attire and look professional, even though sweatpants and an extra thick hoodie would have been nice for the adventure ahead. Here's the breakdown:

Made the flight out of Indy to Huston
Missed two flights out of Huston
Begged to try to fly to LA
Made the flight to LA
Spent 7pm-9am in the LAX airport~I've never felt more alone. The Lord impressed upon my heart that I would meet a man with whom I would share the gospel. Normally I would not gab it up with strange men, especially in the LA airport, but it ended up being quite a blessing.
It was about 1am and ALL the flights had left. Earlier I took comfort in huddling in large crowds of people waiting on their flights. But then. They were gone. In the entire airport, I only saw one other person who wasn't on construction. So, I sat down a few seats away from him. Eventually the security man asked us to move to another open room. For the rest of the night we attempted to grab some z's...but alas, the shrill and atrociously loud announcements shattered all chances. "ATTENTION! PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE PERSONAL ARTICLES UNATTENDED. NEVER TAKE BAGS FROM A STRANGER. THANK YOU."
Thank you, Mr. Announcer. Thank you. But I was able to share the gospel with the marine from New Jersey with a very foul mouth, but kind disposition. It was a blessing not to feel alone and terrified the entire night. I knew he wouldn't harm me or steal my luggage. Thank you, Jesus.
That morning we grabbed coffee and I prayed, prayed, prayed that I would make the flight to Hawaii.
The tension that builds when you fly stand by is like no other. It's such a high to make the flight and such a low to miss it. It's like life. When there is a risk, there is a reward.
At this point I was a very rough sight to behold, and so I washed my hair in the sink of the restroom, saying to the passersby, "Don't judge me!" ; ) But she understood, she had spent the night talking to the construction workers...she felt my pain.
She said, "If I don't make this flight, I'm going to get a drink and cry my eyes out. You're welcome to come with." I told her that I wouldn't join her in drinking, but I would join her in crying. Haha!
I was SO freezing the entire night, that I decided to bight the bullet and buy a $549,000,000 blanket (Okay, so it was really $18, but still!). Underneath it I awaited to know my plight...and I MADE THE FLIGHT TO HAWAII!!! I was thrilled.
All of the hustle and hassle of making sure the airline people know you're there and waiting on your flight...all of the hoping that someone doesn't show for their flight so that you can have your seat....it makes you much more appreciative of flying. And it also makes you feel like a second class citizen, if you let it. I wondered if this is what minorities used to feel like before equalities were distributed.
Once in Hawaii (which is breathtaking to fly over, by the way), it looked as if I wouldn't make the flight. But I wasn't too upset because I have wonderful friends who are missionaries over there.
But thankfully, I made it on the plane, and to Guam. : ) I was greeted by smiling faces and a lovely lei and island necklace.

Pretty, aren't they?

I read and thought a lot during my trip. Being alone is not common in this culture. We're constantly running from it. We text, twitter, facebook, phone, blog, skype...all so we don't feel ALONE. But sometimes, God wants us to just be...and be before Him. He is enough. He is in the lonely LAX airport, because He is with me. Sometimes, I am alone. And you know, that's okay. Not everyone needs to know my every thought or every movement.

Thus, my adventure began...check back soon for a post about my first week on the gorgeous island of Guam.

To God be the glory, Audrey Ann

2011-01-29T20:10:00.000-08:00

Post coming...

God did it.

2010-12-22T10:23:00.000-08:00

The Running Waitress is no longer a waitress!
The entire story of how God gave me this precious gift will be coming soon.

just so you know...

Destination: Guam
Vocation #1: Kindergarten teacher!
Vocation #2: ESL Teacher!
I'm going to help teach an Authentic Beauty course (the physical health portion)!
The family I'll be living with run the school.
Their daughter, Abigail, was a friend of mine from Teenpact. We will share a room and I look forward to the "iron sharpening iron" relationship we will have.
I leave very soon!
My heart is overwhelmed with excitement, nervousness, and one great big, gigantic to-do list!

I l.o.v.e Christmas

2010-12-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

My apologies for the long absence. There is much going on and I am excited to share about it, soon.

I--ice is beautiful. Now, I don't like it on the roads, but it is so pretty, don't you think, especially in icicle form?

L--lights. Christmas lights are delightful. Sorry, I am my father's daughter and couldn't resist the pun. ; )

O--opening presents, but giving them is way more fun.

V--vanilla flavoring from Mexico that tastes like coconut to put in baked goods.

E--eating. This is a given.

C--carols. There is powerful doctrine in many of them. Really listen the next time you sing, "Oh Holy Night"

H--hustle and bustle

R--Risen. Christ is risen from the dead. This is what makes Christmas so exciting.

I--homemade icing on cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning.

S--Santa. I adore the old fashioned Santa paraphernalia. No. I don't buy the whole "you can spell Satan with Santa." You can also spell 'dog' with 'God.' We are only taking the English language into account. Christmas is about Jesus, but I can still think that the legend of Santa is cute, as long as it doesn't inhibit the understand of the truth and glory of the gospel.

T--tinsel. One day I will have a vintage tree with tinsel. *heart*

M--My family. I don't even want to think about not being with them at Christmas.

A--Amy Grant's Christmas Album. best. ever. I hear it and my spirits leap. no joke, folks.

S--Smiling at strangers while shopping...

Merry Christmas, dear readers!
And happy birthday, Abbi!

I'm a little teapot

2010-11-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

Refinement: Removing the old that clung, revealing beauty.

The year 2010 has been, without a doubt, the most disappointing and difficult year of my twenty-two. And yet, through the massive disappointments, my Savior showed me that He and He alone is to be my hope. I must only ever run for Him.

I have idolized ideas of my future, and found that nothing compares to the greatest of knowing Jesus Christ.

It's all empty.

One of my favorite pastimes is antique store shopping. I love to browse at everything, especially the dishes. So many times I find these lovely silver pieces that are utterly tarnished and smudged.

I am like that. My refinement takes rubbing. My Savior gently, yet firmly, removes the dross. He does it for His glory and my betterment. But man, it hurts...like crazy. It's a sharp, acute pain.

But He is beautiful, and I want to be a shiny piece of silver, one so pretty and clear that when He looks at me, He sees Himself.

May it be so.

2010-11-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing I enjoy running during Autumn...

or else my waistline would be doomed.

Pumpkin desserts are delectable, and if I had the metabolism of a freight train (which I don't in the slightest), I would try a new recipe every day. Instead I opt for a new recipe about every week. So far I've baked pumpkin cake and pumpkin roll. Next up is pumpkin cheesecake. Mmm! Add some coffee and a good book, and let your worries leave you.

Happy Autumn!

(Images courtesy of google images)

a thing of beauty

2010-10-31T19:46:00.000-07:00

"'When I went forward, I'm sure my mascara was running, my slip was probably showing, I felt completely humiliated and humbled before the cross of Christ and the Christians who had been witnessing to me. But nothing mattered but Jesus.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to declare before everybody who Jesus Christ was, who He was for me, my Lord and my Savior, and that He had died for my sins: I was a sinner, in need, needing--needing His forgiving grace and power.'

After a battle that lasted a year and a half, Cindy surrendered to the King."

~A personal testimony of Cindy Bauer by Latayne Scott

What IS a girl supposed to do without a camera?

2010-10-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

It really bothers me that I can't post pictures. My camera has been malfunctioning (a nice way of saying that it is broken), and therefore I have no way of capturing the beautiful moments of my life...currently. I am hoping to remedy this soon. Until then, I will give you a brief list of some things I am looking forward to...

1. Overseas traveling (at the beginning of next year--more info to come)

2. Friends and family coming to visit at various times throughout the next two months

3. Finishing two baby quilts

4. My friend Tori's wedding (She's a great photographer. Check out her website here: Marvelous Things Photography)

5. CHRISTMAS!!!!

6. Last, but not least (actually it's FIRST)...I am so thrilled to see what God will do in my heart and in the hearts of those around me! It's so exciting! He is so amazing! YAY!

Whack

2010-10-19T06:07:00.000-07:00

I am a blindfolded kid with a stick.

Determined, I stand swinging at the pinata above my head

that obnoxiously moves up and down, back and forth.

At least, this is how I feel.

Sometimes I just want to know where I'll be in a year or where I'll be in six months. I had plans. They were good ones, too. But somehow they were only mine and not HIS. But the Lord wants me to trust Him. Every single day is a gift with which I can please Him. I view the climax of my life (or what I'm really supposed to do) as a pinata that dangles over my head, taunting and teasing me. But perhaps it's not really that way. Perhaps I am not swinging for treasures (or candies) of this earth, but for those above.

No, I don't know where I will be in six months. None of us do. The only sure thing I hold in this life is Jesus Christ and his beautiful resurrection love for me.And that is truly more than enough. I get to meet Him, really meet Him, one day.

So, handkerchief my eyes and hand me a bat, please. Paper mache never looked so good.

More About Me Monday

2010-10-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

Random Fact: I've been to 32 of our 50 marvelous states.

I'd love to visit Maine.

What is one state you've never seen and would like to?

Welcome to Monday

2010-10-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

Monday can be such a "blah" day. So, I am starting a "Random thing about Me" Monday post. Please don't think I'm full of myself. This will just be a fun way to let you know a little more about me, and it will be a way for me to remind myself of fun things on "blah" Mondays.

Random thing about me: I love vintage clothing.

(Photos by Red Velvet Art)

Therefore, I love this website and the owner's blog (Red Velvet Art)

It is full of oldies, pretties, and "handmadies." yay.

A Disney Princess Band-Aid

2010-10-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

Pain.

In the attempt to show others that God is at work in my life, I have been guilty of suppressing pain, "pretending" it away. But I am learning that doing so does not show faith in God to heal me and use my scars for His glory and renown.

Instead of hiding myself away, I want to receive what the Lord has for me. It hurts when people ask me detailed questions--I am not always ready or willing, and that's okay. But instead of being a hermit, letting my wound bleed, and feeling sorry for myself, I purpose to allow God's healing touch in my life.

It's like a Disney Princess Band-Aid.

When I was a little girl, I, like many other children, LOVED wearing Band-Aids. Usually we had the cheap tan kind, but every once in an orange moon (who has actually seen a blue moon?) we would have the fun kind.
When it comes to wearing a Band-Aid, I am not advertising nor hiding my wound from them. It's no gigantic secret, but the intensity of pain and the depth of the cut can be kept quiet before the Lord.
I want Him to make beauty from my pain. May I wear His healing like a lady. Even a deep and nasty gash can be healed with the help of a pretty, pink Band-aid.
Okay, perhaps this is a very weird word picture, but there it is.

Oh, Lord, lead me.
"But God will redeem my life from the grave; he will surely take me to himself."
Psalm 49:15

Two scoops of serendipity, please

2010-10-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

I spend the last six days on a road trip with my Grammy and two of my aunts. It was a blast, and I learned so much from all of them. We went to Charleston, SC to see my cousin get married. Unfortunately my camera died a few months back, but my aunt graciously let me borrow hers, and I plan on getting the pictures from her within a few weeks.

Along the way there were some unexpected discoveries. The breeze of serendipity whisked all around us.

1. I finished Meet Mr. Smith by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It starts out a bit quirky and slow, but it is absolutely revolutionary. If you want a book that challenges you to give your heart completely to Christ, especially in the area of romance and sexuality, please read this book! It's so exciting! I've read a lot of "purity type" books, but none like this. Here's an excerpt:

"Purity's work causes us to approach every decision, every choice with a new question burning in our hearts. Instead of, 'What is best for me?' we ask, 'What is best for the fame and renown of God?' Once you start asking that question, your life will never be the same again. In fact, many of the seemingly confusing relationship questions that plague our generation can be answered by asking that one simple question" (214).

2. We visited Berea, Kentucky, a darling college town with multiple artisan shops. The students of the college are from Appalachia, and they sell BEAUTIFUL artwork to help pay for their education. I found a pillow I loved, but it was $179.95. Oh well.

3. I was able to visit with two of my very best friends. They live around one of the towns we stayed in, and so they were able to come steal me away. YAY!

4. I read through Making the Cut by Jillian Michaels. Although I do not endorse her attire on the front cover, I am excited about starting the 30 day program. Cheer me on, okay?

5. My aunts reminded me how MUCH I have to look forward to in life. Somehow I'd forgotten a bit. But the trip helped me to recharge, and I am ready to push!

6. We spent an afternoon in downtown Charleston. I've been there before, but was thrilled to go again. It's a must-see city of America. Totally. While we were there, I really needed to "use the facilities," and I do mean really. I dismissed myself from our group and began walking and thinking, "Surely it won't be too hard to find a place near the battery--it's so touristy."
WRONG-O, little AA.
Just so you know, it's residential for blocks and blocks and blocks. After a half an hour, I became desperate.

The kind of desperate that causes your to knock on rich people's doors and offer them a dollar to use their bathroom.
The kind of desperate that causes you to look for giant trees and bushes and calculate how quickly you could do your business without anyone coming by.
The kind of desperate that causes you to ask five Hispanic men working on a ritzy home if you can use their portapot. Yup. I went with this one.

And then I RAN in street clothes back to find my aunts (they were waiting on me in the hot sun).

Life is fun. Let it be.

The Lord blesses us so very much.

Lessons from the Crack House

2010-09-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

Never try to help fat people out by giving them less biscuits or cornbread. They will always ask for more. always. The only good thing about that is getting a few steps more of exercise in an attempt to not look like them yourself one day.

My two best weapons on the waitressing war path are:

1. a big smile
2. a sweet tone of voice

Compliment womens' purses or shoes--it's a way to connect with them beyond the food you are serving them.

NEVER give too much personal information [creepy story I don't wish to relive inserted here]

Offer large families with small children their bread first--they will love you forever.

Sometimes you just have to act WAY--I mean WAY--more sorry than you actually are. (Example: "Oh, sir I am SO sorry that there wasn't enough extra white gravy on your country fried steak that came with a double order of mashed potatoes and hashbrown casserole along with biscuits, extra butter and jelly. Really--I am so sorry.")

People really do believe that they can eat whatever they want...but as long as they are guzzling Diet Coke, they are on a serious diet.

My job makes me laugh. : )

Awake my heart!

2010-09-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

This song reminds my heart to leap for joy because of the Lord Jesus, and bids me come and dance for the Prince of my heart.

Christ is Risen by Matt Maher (check it out)

Praise. His. Name.

Wading through the pressures, hurts, and unknowns of life sometimes leads me to emotionally curl up in a ball, cover my eyes, and say, "I don't want to think about life."

The hope I have in Jesus Christ reminds me to throw out my arms, jump off the floor, and race around the house like a little girl saying, "I can think about You! Woohoo!"

Nothing should excite me more.
Not engagement. Not marriage. Not babies. (Although I do desire these immensely and will be ever so thankful for them...)

Christ is risen from the dead and I am one with Him.
It's so good I can hardly believe it.
But I do, because miracles can come true.

Cornbread and Aristotle

2010-09-15T05:53:00.000-07:00

After going to bed at midnight, yesterday morning I stumbled out of bed at 5am and surprised myself by making it to the 5:45am "boot camp" at the local YMCA. Interval cycling, suicides, squats against the wall, and crunches were all a part of this bless-ed experience. ; ) It feels somewhat amazing to be done with your workout at 7am. I then showered and went to Starbucks. Because I was planning on taking a short nap before work, I ordered a decaf tea instead of beloved coffee, and pulled out my not-so-faithful-yet-still-running laptop. And I wrote.

In December I graduated with a degree in English Literature from a small, yet respected, Christian college. I made good grades and was patted on the back several times. It felt good. I pushed hard and wrote about topics that I never thought I could. And then I came home. And now I'm a waitress. But as my former beau sweetly told me, "Audrey Ann, it's what you do--you serve food--but it's not who you are."

Instead of asking for clarification on one of Aristotle's remarks, I now ask questions like, "Sir, would you like biscuits or cornbread with that?"

I feel stupid, and I have a gut ache from seemingly too much humble pie.

Yesterday when I wrote at Starbucks, the Lord reminded me that I am still that "academic person" I was a year ago. I have learned SO.MUCH. from being a server that I would not have learned with a posh or cushy job. I have shared the beautiful gospel more than I ever have--and am becoming aware of how astoundingly blessed I am.

There is much running through my mind--and I am excited to share it with you. KNOW THIS--the Lord is so faithful to teach us and mold us.

Needle and thread

2010-09-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

I am waiting, praying, dying on this bed and no one knows.

Remedies of my own only induce more symptoms--regret and sorrow.

Oh, Jesus, you made the little girl live again.

Hear my prayer, please take me with you--past this feeble amen.

Let me wake--hungry for your word, not for raisin bran.

Let me run--not for five pounds lost, but so I can better stand for you.

Let me love--out of love for you and not for what I can gain in the end.

Please, take my heart and mend.

Memories find me--They are thick and rich, much like cheesecake

I miss him--it's both simple and complicated, but no mistake.

He is yours, and I know it. But he feels like mine-despite the sever.

As the orchestra played, we danced and we swayed, but not forever.

Let me wake--longing for You, Lord, not for his arms and that smile never meek

Let me see--that your plan is much more beautiful than the mole on his cheek

Let me know--you are with him now, and he's okay

Please, take our broken love. We give it to you. This I pray.

rambling...

2010-08-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

My brother went to college this past weekend. The house is much more quiet and "our" pew at church rather empty without him. We miss you, Cabey Jones.
I went to a friend's bridal shower yesterday and was encouraged by like-minded women. Thank You, Jesus.
I am constantly coming up with new workout plans, but am being rather slothful. yes. me. I know. I ran a marathon. That was four months ago, people. Habits can be lost or made in thirty days, remember?
The Lord is blessing me with peace to FACE the pain in my life rather than continually avoiding it.
I need to stop eating late at night.
THE LORD IS ENOUGH. Some moments I feel this in the most secure and beautiful way, and other times I feel so shaky and alone.
I plan to rearrange my room. start fresh. Hey, fall is totally the new spring.
It's all about glorifying God. all. of. it. --love, laughter and the little things--
I'm considering making this blog more theme related, but my life doesn't really have a theme, does yours? If it did have a theme, I'd like it to be that I loved the Lord above all. But alas, I am so sidetracked by ME.
Okay, I'm done for today. The sun is shining and calling my name.

No one

2010-08-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

Today, remember that no one loves you like the Lord Jesus. What a comfort and overwhelmingly undeserved gift that is. Revel in it and live by it. Oh, and give it.

He will hold you.

Old Habits...

2010-08-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

die hard...

Cereal--it will be hard, but I am sending you to your grave.

...Well, then let new habits LIVE, instead! Ever since I graduated from college, I have slowly given up some of the good and healthy habits I had at school. The result? I am more tired, less athletic, about ten pounds heavier, less educated, and SO ready to get back on track. Although it is discouraging to see that I am not "where" I want to be in some ways, it is is neat to see what the Lord has taught me, the rest He's given me, and the excitement He's blessed me with about getting on with life--full of joy and determination.

So, starting today--my [edited for blog] list of new habits to be formed--

1. Run first thing in the morning. Remember the Nike symbol, and JUST DO IT. An extra thirty minutes to an hour of sleep is NOT vital.
2. Train for half marathon--I do well with deadlines and goals
3. STOP eating breads, sugars, and watch the dairy--I've done this before and was healthier--and my acne chilled out.
4. Relax about food one meal a week (on the weekend)
5. Always be reading a book--actually finish them--I currently have three going
6. Memorize scripture (MOST IMPORTANT)

These are in no particular order, but I wanted to put them out there so that I would be more apt to stick to them. I'll let you know how this new plan unfolds. There have been immense changes take place in my life the last few weeks.
The Lord is helping me to look towards the future with joy--through the pain. I am scared to push again, and be the strict and dedicated athlete, but I am excited.

P.S. "They" say it takes thirty days to form a habit. By September 18th I should have some new "old" habits established. I will let you know tomorrow how I've done on day one. : )

EDITED: I did it! One day down--twenty-nine to go.

One Day at a Time

2010-08-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

Isn't it such a blessing that the Lord only gives us one day to live at a time? Sometimes I scare myself thinking about carrying a certain pain or burden for months or even years. But I just need to trust God and praise Him TODAY.

So today, I will look at those birds in the air and those wildflowers along the road. They do not worry about tomorrow--so why should I?

At the end of high emotions and long analyses, I must come to the steadfast conclusion that HE IS GOD and He does indeed love me in a huge way--even if I question it.

Oh, Lord, I will praise You!

You give and take away, and my heart will choose to say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Today--I will praise you.

SOS

2010-08-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes as we grow older, we get this notion that we are supposed to have it all figured out. When I graduated from college, I felt pressure to have a ten year plan and all my little duckies in a row.

Here I am, a waitress. I don't even know if I have "little ducks" to have in a row. Whatever I do have seems more like chickens with their heads chopped off--flopping around in a crazed and aimless way.

But last night I prayed for help. Okay, sure, I've been praying for a long time, but I prayed, "Lord, I need help--tonight." It was a prayer of faith coupled with desperation.

The Lord answered my prayer with a conversation between my daddy and me that lasted late into the night.

In a culture that tells us to be self reliant and self indulgent and self focused and self--ISH...I was reminded to just ask. Sometimes the Lord wants us to wrestle and wait, but He will always be there.

My junior year of college I was an R.A., and we had countless "teaching games," which OF COURSE were my favorite. ; ) But anyway, one really stuck with me--they blindfolded us for nearly two hours and led us all over this camp and into a roped area where we had to figure out how to escape. Just imagine 40 college students blindfolded for two hours--nightmare of nightmares.

Yes, it was as terrible as it looks...and worse.

Taryn and AA at the beginning of the ~~torture~~ game

The answer of escape--and taking that blasted bandanna off of my head? (drumroll, please)

Ask the Resident Director for help.
That was all. Two hours of wandering aimlessly, bumping into people, being stepped on...

"Help. I need somebody." That was all.

Just keep knocking. The Lord is faithful.

"Ding, dong the bells are gonna chime!"

2010-07-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been a flurry of phone calls, tissue paper flowers, and details, details, details. My kindred spirit, Taryn, is getting married next weekend, and I have the honor of being her maid of honor. Sometimes weddings seem overwhelming and crazy, but whenever I step back and think about her wedding, I smile at the beauty of it. A lovely wedding is appropriate for them.

As the bride she will wear white not merely because that is the tradition, but because she is truly pure--not perfect, but pure by the grace of Jesus.
As a couple they will enjoy their honeymoon in complete fullness. For that I am both proud and joyful.
When I stand beside her that day, I will smile with confidence that even if they face difficulties, they will overcome them, for this marriage is not contingent merely upon happiness, but on holiness, and from that holiness will bring joy unending.

Here's to Tim and Taryn, who desire God more than wealth, fame, or one another.

2010-07-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

I decided this week to continue with this blog. No, I am not training for a marathon, or even planning on training for one. However, this last month I joined the YMCA and have enjoyed running again as well as Zumba and kickboxing. Alas, a few of my injuries remain (in the hip area), but the Lord has blessed me with the ability to exercise with minimal pain.

Much has happened in my life since I last posted, but more than anything, I am learning to trust Jesus with my heart, which I have not always done. So many times like a selfish and scared child I grabbed it from Him, ran to a corner and curled up in a ball yelling, "No! No! You can't have it!" And in the end I am the one who bruises it because I refused to let go--like a child squeezing, quite literally, the life out of a caterpiller or lightning bug because he "loves it."

Oh, how little I know and how faithful He is. Today I am learning to trust Him.

2010-05-24T12:41:00.000-07:00

Zach, Gretchen, Licia, and Lori--you all are my heroes.

My daddy and me--feeling the emotions of being done

2010-04-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

                                                               I ran the marathon!
                                Thank you all for your support!
                                     More pictures to come...

Praise Jesus for His tender love towards us!

One step at a time, He leads us if we follow.

2010-03-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

This is why I run

When I first met Jeffy, he looked like this...

But after two weeks of food and love from

Real Hope for Haiti...

Look at those sweet dimples! Praise God for His miracles, and let's help those who are being the hands and feet of Jesus.

To sponsor me:

Checks can be made out to

"Real Hope for Haiti"-write "Audrey Ann" in the memo and send to

Real Hope for Haiti

PO Box 23

Elwood, IN 46036

Online giving can be done at http://www.haitirescuecenter.com/

Please email me with the donated amount, so that I can have an idea how much I raised. Thank you so much!

audreyannsanders@yahoo.com

His love will never let us go! Let's help others know that love!

My valiant Prince of Peace

2010-03-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I become frantic about situations and issues in my life, and I try to take them over myself. You know what results? A mess. A major mess.

My prayer:

May my ears hear what You desire me to hear.
May my heart ache for and take delight in what You deem.
May my eyes notice and view what You want.
May my mouth speak your word.
May my inmost being yearn for You alone, the Living God.

The word "peace" is often underestimated. We see it as meaning "let's all get along," "wars are evil," or "a fuzzy feeling that makes us feel a sort of euphoria." But really, peace can come through a battle. The Lord Jesus is the Prince of Peace. When a battle is waging in my heart, and I am struck with deep sadness, the Prince may not carry me out of it right away, but He will lead me, and fight for me. Peace is not the absence of suffering, but the assurance that the Lord truly does know best, that He will be victorious, and that I am never alone.

spring

2010-03-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

Isn't it beautiful that God brings different seasons to us?

As much as I complain about snow, what a miraculous and joyous occasion when the sun returns and green appears. There is a song by Nichole Nordeman that I wish I wrote called, "Every Season."I have the lyrics below, or you could listen to it here.

"Every Season" Nichole Nordeman

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

At one time in my life, I did not fully understand when people talked about life as a journey or a road. But now I do. It winds and curves and there are hills, so many hills. But at the end of the day, when the sun is setting in a beautiful display of pinks and oranges, I can smile and truly know my soul is at rest. There is so much I do not know. There are so many fears. But the Maker and Sustainer of the universe holds me. So I can run, walk, and rest on that road in peace.

2010-03-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes loosening the grasp is the only way to clasp.

As I let go and reach for His hand--I dance a dance never before possible.

Praise His name for Him and His "all things are new" reality.

Last week I was able to run more--what a blessing. Please continue to consider sponsoring me, and please pray that I heal completely. Thank you so much!

Just some thoughts

2010-03-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

Lillies of the valley are a reminder to me of the beauty and splendor of purity.

The love of God compels us...to act. to live. to breathe. to sleep well. to speak [of Him]...now.

The world compels me to freak out about finding an awesome job that people will say "Wow" with uplifted eyebrows when I tell them what I "do."

The world compels me to make myself worthy of being in a parade--possessing beauty, charm, and a swimsuit body.

But the Lord compels me to bow before His throne, in agony of my sin. He compels me to look at His face while tears rush down mine.

He currently compels me to see that I am not the lead character in a movie about me. I am not the heroine. I am not the one with the epic music playing in the background as I enter the room. Oh no, it is Him. Do you know Him? He is the Prince, and His name is Jesus. I am ashamed to say that I have hurt Him every day of my life, but I want to make Him deeply pleased with me. HE is the hero. I am an extra--a backup extra, even. But I will be ready, lines or not, when He calls me on the stage. I want to be ready. No messing around.

May I not be His princess in title only, but in action.

News...

2010-02-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm not as fast, I get winded easily, and I am behind in my training...but folks...

I can run again!
And I am serious about doing this thing.

Please pray for the Zacharys.
And please pray that I will grow stronger--quickly.
Thank you all. :)

I'm learning...

2010-02-16T14:18:00.000-08:00

Let this be our heart's cry...

Set Apart Girl (check it out) Listen to this three minute clip.

As Haiti fades from the media limelight...

2010-02-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

This song is for those of us who try to forget.

"Headphones" by Jars of Clay

I was introduced to this song when I came back from Haiti, and it will always be my reminder that even though I can try to forget, my life will never be the same, and I have a responsibility. Hurting people exist. Don't close your eyes. Jesus didn't. May this song convict you to action. Pull your headphones out and LIVE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGfrwVxvlMY (listen to it here)

I don't have to hear it, if I don't want to
I can drown this out, pull the curtains down on you
it's a heavy world, it's too much for me to care
If I close my eyes, it's not there

With my headphones on, with my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on
We watch television...but the sound is something else

Just a song played against the drama,
so the hurt is never felt
I take in the war-fires, and I'm
chilled by the current events
it's so hopeless, but there's a pop song in my

Headphones on, in my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

At the Tube Stop, you sit down across from me
(I can see you looking back at me)
I think I know you
By the sad eyes that I see
I want to tell you (It's a heavy world)
Everything will be okay
You wouldn't hear it (I don't want to have to hear it)
So we go our separate ways...

With our headphones on, with our headphones on
With our headphones on, with our headphones on
I don't wanna be the one who tries to figure it out
I don't need another reason I should care about you

You don't want to know my story
You don't want to own my pain
Living in a heavy, heavy world
And there's a pop song in my head

I don't want to have to hear it

Let us remember

2010-02-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

Today marks one month since the tragic earthquake hit Haiti.

Here are a few pictures by Los Angeles Times photographers Carolyn Cole, Rick Loomis and Brian Vander Brug (used without permission...please do not sue me)

Let us pray. Oh God, there is NO WAY for me to explain this away with any worldview training.

(Yes, those people in the background are deceased.)

But I do know, Lord, that You are trustworthy and good. Please let your love and provision fall on them in a powerful way. And let them rise again...for YOU.

In Jesus name, Amen

Let's help. No, really, let's help.

2010-02-08T15:40:00.000-08:00

--We have enough time and money to buy a four dollar latte at Starbucks.
--We have enough time and money to put leftovers in the fridge.
--We have enough time and money to pay more for organic.
--We have enough time and money to enjoy a hot shower.
--We have enough time and money to surf the internet.
--We have enough time and money to sit around and watch the Superbowl.

Look at these pictures (not suitable for young eyes) now.

http://www.latimes.com/la-fg-haiti-hires-html,0,5775052.htmlstory

The Lord convicted me a few days ago about my attitude with regard to the marathon. With my hip the way it is, I may have to walk part of the distance.
However, I was not satisfied with that. I wanted to cross that finish line triumphantly, with a respectable time and feeling good about myself.
But then I realized, if I am really doing this for the hurting in Haiti, for the gospel to be spread, then I would remember that many people there no longer have legs on which to walk, let alone run.
Thousands no longer have the breath of life. I am so blessed. This marathon training was started to raise financial and prayer support for Real Hope for Haiti. And I will finish the training in the same way.
Please pray for them.
Don't forget about the earthquake--and don't think they have received plenty of aid. Many of the major organizations are suspected to be corrupt. The missionaries of Jesus Christ need our help. We are the church. Let's live like it...and I'm certainly talking to myself as well.
Thank you for everything! Philippians 4:19

Sinister Cereal

2010-02-06T10:20:00.000-08:00

I'm just a...

box of Rice Krispies. (TM)

All I do is SNAP, CRACKLE, and POP.

I am looking up stretches and exercises that will help this injury. Something in my lower back/hip feels like it comes out of its place every time I extend my leg and bring it down. Anyone have any suggestions? I am determined to do this, but want to be wise in the process. Thanks.

I went to the doctor and the doctor said...

2010-02-04T14:52:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I went to an athletic trainer and after some pushing and pulling, he said that...

BAD NEWS: I do have a problem with my hip flexor and a small leg muscle (I will not attempt to spell the name). I am extremely tight from my lower back all the way along my left side to my left knee.

GOOD NEWS: Most likely I will still be able to run the marathon!!! OH, how I hope this is true! My family will just have to help press and loosen the tight points daily, and I need to find a flatter surface on which to run. Please pray that it will get better soon.

Thank you all so much for your support. Tell your friends and ask them to sponsor me for the hurting people of Haiti at Real Hope for Haiti. : )

Already A Bride

2010-02-03T12:32:00.000-08:00

Today I am broken before the Father.

But His wisdom is perfect and I will trust Him.

I am hesitant to parade my sorrows on a blog--this is not my personal diary.
Suffice it to say that something happening in my life is very difficult.

As my wonderful friend, Emily S. said of the Lord,
"He loves us passionately. Audrey Ann, we are already His bride."
How completely beautiful He is to us.
No, I do not fully understand all of this...or why many things happen.

The catastrophe in Haiti FAR overshadows any personal pain I carry. I want to help the people, but my hip has been so sore, and I am worried about my ability to do this.

But LIFE is not about what I can or cannot do or handle; it is about giving up everything I do have to my precious Lord, even when I don't have a clue about His plan.

He wants me to trust Him. And I will, even through the tears...because in the Lord, there is fullness of joy. So, bring on the joy! : ) Okay, I'm signing out for today. Going running in the morning! love to you all, AA

My hip doesn't lie...it just hurts

2010-01-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

          I'm sorry for the absence. Here's the deal, my hip is a little messed up, and I am trying to rest and make sure it's fully healed so that it doesn't slow me down any after this. The roads I run on are higher in the middle than the side (for water drainage), and I think that really strained my left hip and leg. I have not run since Friday, which feels SO weird. But I will try to run later on this week.
         Please pray for me. But pray for the people of Haiti more. I know that they are currently the "popular" cause. But please be careful with where you send your money. Larger agencies make no promises of distributing the millions of dollars they receive directly to the Haitians. The money is merely deposited into their general fund. I am not saying they are hoarding the money, but my advice is to give to missionaries in Haiti. If you want to give to an organization, I recommend World Vision or Compassion.
         If you desire to sponsor me, please email me the amount you are pledging. When my race is completed, I will send the information on how to donate the money to Real Hope for Haiti. Yes, they need the money NOW. But my heart is to raise some funds for them later as well, after all the media excitement has died down. Let us not forget. Thank you all for your support, and I would appreciate comments so that I know you're reading. May the Lord be with you. love, Audrey Ann

The Two Joes

2010-01-20T12:54:00.000-08:00

The past few days the story of Joseph has been playing over in my mind. Actually, both Josephs in the Bible and their stories have come to the front of my mind, dancing around and giving me hope that maybe I'm not so crazy.

     Of all the thousands of sermons I have heard in my life, the one that stands out the most is the one I heard at Port au Prince Fellowship about Joseph of the Old Testament. I learned that sometimes we try to kick open a door that God is closing, and sometimes we focus on David and Goliath, but forget about Stephen and the fact that God was with him, too. Isolated circumstances of our lives...of my life...don't seem to make sense sometimes, but I just need to remember that it probably didn't make sense to Joseph when his brothers threw him in a pit to die, or sold him, or when he was thrown in jail, only to be forgotten even after he correctly interpreted.

     And about the other Joseph...here is a man who trusted God despite what his culture told him, despite the societal dishonor with which it crowned him. He walked past all of it into the grand role of being the Savior's earthly father.

     Sometimes I just do. not. get. it. Sometimes things don't "make sense."
But HE alone is God, and I am not.
I rest and walk and run in full confidence that His plan is perfect and far better than mine.

     Please continue to pray for everyone in Haiti...and if you could remember my hip in prayer, I would appreciate it.

The adventures of AA and an overzealous black lab

2010-01-16T16:00:00.000-08:00

Today's Findings.
--Another mutilated mouse. yick.

The most interesting findings today were discovered by my running buddy, John Deere, the black dog who follows me. He found...

--A poopy diaper thoughtfully placed in a ziplock bag--JD pranced up to me, so proud of his treasure, but instead of feeling pride in return, I replied, "Oh my goodness, get that thing away from me!"

--A big, golden, dead chicken. no joke. Towards the end of my run I was slowing down, and I looked behind me because JD usually stays ahead of me, but I had not seen him for a bit. He was carrying something quite large and brown...like a giant piece of wood. But no, it was a hen. I don't think he killed it, but you never know. As I was turning right onto another road, JD kept going straight, stopped in the dead center of the road, and gently set down the chicken...and he left it there! Ahahahaha! Oh, that dog is a gift from God. : ) Thank you, Lord. Perhaps someone will find the chicken and make some soup. Hey, you never know.

Please continue to pray for Haiti. There are so many wounded, dead, and missing. We have no idea what they are going through.

His Hands are Huge

2010-01-14T18:13:00.000-08:00

Today I wondered what to write. My left hip has been giving me sharp and jabbing pain during my runs, but I thought to myself, "Why should I even mention this to anyone? Think about the excruciating pain so many are feeling in Haiti." But my hope is that with a strong body I can raise money for them, so I try to console myself that I'm not being so selfish.

Oh my. Do you ever feel like you are in a battle against yourself?

So much guessing. So much wondering. And then the Lord gently reminds me, "I am here. Come unto me." He's got the whole world in His hands, remember? Haiti. Me. You. Your crazy neighbor next door. All of us.

So, in order to spice up these posts, I have decided to add a section about the things I find on runs that go ashamedly unnoticed when you are in the car blissfully listening to Josh Groban on the way to Walmart. Here it goes:

Today's Findings:

1. Dirt slushy mountains. Like a thousand. Okay, so maybe you notice that in the car, but you don't feel it in your shoes when you are in the car.

2. A dead, mutilated little mouse, thawing in the sun. Yum.

3. Three very black dogs fighting on the road, trying to get me involved. They kept running up, bumping into me as if to say, "Hey this is fun, come on, join us!" I yelled, "No! Back! Go home!" I should've yelled, "I am not a dog, sorry to disappoint you all! Just because I have black pants on does not involve me in this."

4. Sticks I think are snakes for a second...this happens a lot. : )

Thank you all for your support. I intend to give information soon about how to technically sponsor me. May the Lord be with you! He is all we need. Pray for the people in Haiti--for healing, comfort, food, water, the saving power of Jesus Christ, and the comfort and power of the Holy Spirit. Amen. And remember that His hands hold it all. He will not forsake His children.

2010-01-13T06:49:00.000-08:00

Visit

http://www.haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/ and

http://www.livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/ to learn more about how they are coping.

The Earthquake

2010-01-13T05:41:00.000-08:00

PLEASE PRAY.

Thank the Lord that the Zacharys, the Moises, and Betors (the missionaries at RHFH) are safe. Their walls are cracked, and some of their nannies have lost their homes. But in Port au Prince it is a different story, as you can read about, or even see on television. I have missionary friends there who are safe, but need the Lord's divine touch to get through what is ahead of them, and even to process what is behind them. This is my prayer:

Dear Jesus,

You know the "whys" even when I do not. You see all the cries, screams, blood, and chaos in Haiti. Shower that land and its people with your presence. Be strongly with the missionaries. Please provide abundant food and water, especially now that the main grocery store is gone. This I pray. Hush the fears of the little ones. Comfort them, please. Oh God, please take this country, and don't let satan touch it. We know you are holy and perfect. And even though I don't understand why you allowed this to happen, I know you love those people so much. Please build Haiti back up as a strong nation that follows you. Help we who are not in Haiti to know what to do during this time. I love you, Jesus. Please help me to rest in knowing that You are God, and I am not. Silence my heart. But I DO cry out for these people! Be with them, Father! Please!

My Friend, Running

2010-01-12T16:27:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I trudged home, and noticed my mother creeping behind me in the van. She pulled up in front of me and I felt slightly like a celebrity as she shot some photos. This was near the end of my run, and I tried my best to look presentable, but sometimes you just have to go with what you have, haha! : )

It's so fun to run! Okay, not all the time...but it is rewarding. Just put some good tunes in and go. Thanks to all of you who read and are supporting me. May the Lord be with you strongly!

Life's not fair...how wonderful!

2010-01-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

I feel inept to write anything super inspirational today. Let me just share what I've been learning.

The magnitude of my unworthiness overwhelms me. It is a burden on my back I ignored for a long time. The blessing about running is that it brings me to the end of myself--physically, yes, but also emotionally and mentally at times, and I am able to cry out to God. What baffles me is that the Lord is completely aware that I am unworthy, and still smiles and asks me to come to Him. And then I realize that it's not about the burden of being unworthy; it's about the blessing of grace that is amazingly--somehow--by His power greater than all my sin. Praise His name.

Never Run Alone

2010-01-04T18:23:00.000-08:00

Running is so much easier when you have a friend beside you. Whether it's the friendly black lab, my dad, or Mrs. R down the road who helps coach the high school ladies' cross country, the wind and frigid weather turn out not so bad after all. I think that's the way the Lord made us. Many times I strain towards a goal by myself--but find that it's always easier to get up in the morning if you know a face you love will soon be there to greet you.
Sometimes, however, I know the Lord does lead us through tunnels of loneliness and across bridges in our lives that shake us and push us to grip the side of the bridge and yell, "HELP, GOD! I can't do this anymore." But He is there. When I'm running with or without a running buddy, He is there. I am sure. Sometimes when I run, I just want to flop onto the ground and curl up in a ball--just quit. But He urges me on--and sometimes I can feel Him in pace right next to me. Neighbors probably think I'm crazy--but I open my arms wide, throw back my head as the theme song from "Chariots of Fire" plays in my head. Okay, so maybe I am a little crazy. But of this I am sure--He's with me. : )

A fresh start...

2010-01-01T08:29:00.000-08:00

Happy new year! Today my family and I opened our time capsule we made ten years ago. It was full of trinkets that represented who we were at the time--a plastic horse, a piano recital program, and a dramatic letter into the future were a few of mine. Time is a funny companion through life, isn't it?
So, do any of you have New Year resolutions? I have a bucket list I wrote in my journal. Hopefully I can complete them. January can be such a dull month--but I want to grow and learn new skills and live life to the hilt. Winter does not have to ruin us. The flowers are coming quicker than we realize. : )

Baby, it's cold outside

2009-12-30T15:27:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a merry Christmas! Although I went only five miles this morning, I must admit that I am growing discouraged. My body rebels when it encounters the cold, and I felt very light-headed when running today. Those supposedly nifty pants I wear cause me to feel fairly ridiculous, haha. But thanks to my wonderful family and boyfriend, I have fantastic Nike running gear. But I just felt heavy in body and light in head today. I would really appreciate your prayers. Sometimes when I am hurting I see the faces of the kids. : ) At RHFH they buried two babies on Christmas day. Their life is nothing like mine. I am lavishly blessed. However, their smiles at times indicate they have a great many things I do not and they know happiness, beauty, and grace in a way that I am still unaware. It's one thing to study His grace shown in the Bible, which is important. But it is another to experience it. Have you experienced His grace lately? Tell me about it.

the cold and cookie run

2009-12-23T17:07:00.000-08:00

Today I ran six miles, and made the very bad mistake of eating two chocolate chip cookies about thirty minutes before I left. Good grief. You would think I would have learned this lesson, haha. But at least the pain of my stomach kept my mind off the pain of the cold, icy rain, and wind. :)
I really want to raise money for the babies at the Real Hope for Haiti mission. Although I want to send out a letter to various individuals and organizations, perhaps now is not the best time since it's right around the time everyone feels out of money. However, I know that God provides.
So I have a request, please spread the word about this project I am undergoing.
Although some people run marathons just to run them (which is amazing), I am not sure I am that determined. But I will run for the mission, for the Zacharys, for the babies. Want to run with me?

TO LEARN ABOUT THE MISSION:
http://www.realhopeforhaiti.org/
http://www.haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/

it begins...

2009-12-02T14:07:00.000-08:00

Hello! Welcome to the first post of my adventure as I run with hope. In a few days I will be starting the eighteen week training schedule by Hal Higdon. I know I am not ready for this, nor strong enough. But the Lord Jesus will help me. Truly I dread training in the winter days outdoors, but this is not for me or for my comfort. I am so grateful to have a body that is able to run and move. So many do not have that blessing. Today I was reading in Job, and I thought about the children in Haiti. Why must they go through this suffering? But who are we to question God? He knows all things. He is the glorious Ruler. And we must dance before Him. And that, my dear friends, is what I desire to do: dance before Him. Don't you?